A Time of Transition

I know its a bit early to be thinking about so called "New Years resolutions" but lately I have  been caught in a strange space mentally. I have just completed my degree requirements and am waiting for my diploma. I am suddenly left with little to fill my time and have been somewhat confused about how to fill my time. I have had a strange string of good luck lately yet have struggled to keep my mood on the up the past few weeks.

I guess I am feeling a bit lost, and uncertain how to feel after completing a goal I have been so focused on these past three years. My schoolwork filled so much of my schedule, and now here I am fully qualified yet uncertain. I'm a bit angry with myself for not enjoying the moment more. I should be filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment, yet instead I am faced with a whole new set of worries and incessant thoughts of the past.


I think I have come to a realization that the difficulties of my past have had a very deep emotional effect on me. More than anything I have realized that to move forward I need to find a way to let go of the past to move forward. I don't want to be limited by those emotions and memories.

I have been thinking of performing a ritual for some time now yet have put it off. About six months ago I was watching a documentary about religion and a woman spoke about healing our past. She suggested a sort of mock funeral in which one makes a small coffin and effigy of the former self and then bury it. "Hold it," she said, "grieve for it, acknowledge all of its dreams that had died and its disappointments, but most of all," she suggested, acknowledge that those dreams and desires had a real meaning, and acknowledge the greatness of their loss. Those few minutes if the film truly moved me. It made me realize the amount of guilt and shame we feel for our former selves, rather than a sense of honor and respect for our innocence lost. It seemed a way to let go with a sense of true self respect.

So maybe, in this period of transition, I can start by letting go of some of that baggage. None of our lives turn out the way we expect or wish them too. These past few years have been tough yet have also held moments of profound joy I might never have imagined or experienced without the losses and disappointments that kept me on the path I have taken. My daughter is healthy and happy, I found love when I had all but given up, and I have just completed a goal I held in my heart since I was 12 years old.

All the same, maybe its the cold or the season or the lack of sunlight, I still feel like I am on a lower frequency. Maybe I just need to hibernate. I can only say I am glad the solstice has come, and am looking forward to the growing daylight. For once in my life I feel starved for sunlight and am weary of the night.

Have you ever performed a ritual for letting go of the past? I would love to hear about it if you have.

IN FRITH
Cena

Comments

  1. AnonymousDec 26, 2013, 5:57:00 PM

    Greetings Cena - I have been a long time reader but I don't think I've posted a comment.
    Yes, I did a letting go ceremony back in April of 2013. I wrote some about it but in reality it was very moving and freeing at the same time.
    http://brightmoonrising.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/owl-lesson/

    However, I think that some ceremonies, done and planned with too much thought and not enough personal symbolism, don't work. I also think letting go as a gesture doesn't work unless you are truly ready to say goodbye - and that may take place in several steps. For me, personally, starting with an extreme in-depth house cleaning is the first step to say goodbye. Next gathering personal possessions to liberate - either trashing, giving away, or incinerating, are all part of disconnecting from the old. Unfortunately, truly letting go may also mean severing relationships that are habitual but harmful.
    Good luck with your path!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nico Jan 2, 2014, 8:31:00 PM

      Thanks for commenting, and reading as well! I definitely agree with your points there, especially the part about being ready to let go. I think for me and probably many others this is the hardest part of the process, realizing that these negative events and memories are sometimes wrapped up in our identity and as such are very hard to sever from ourselves. And relationships, ugh, don't get me started...for me that is usually the first part of letting go, as I have a tendency sever ties with people before severing feelings.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousJan 3, 2014, 1:56:00 PM

    Letting go too is a multi-step process that may takes years before you are finally free. I have found that true for myself.

    ReplyDelete

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