Nerthus: Earth and Darkness
I have found myself drawn to the Goddess Nerthus very much since the end of winter. There is so much changing both within and without me at this time I've felt very drained and at times confused but the barrage of new energy. In less than two months I will be facing a journey that will force me to confront the darkest fears I have yet faced. Fears about my very self, my worth, my vulnerability emotionally, in nearly every sense I will be tested. But if I overcome that fear, I will have gained one of my greatest dreams in life.
Nerthus has seemed very near to me lately, particularly in her darker aspects. I don't mean dark in the sense of evil or negative, but dark in terms of the secrecy, the sacredness, of the cave and the deep deep earth. I feel like a seed buried in the mud, gathering as much energy as I can before my effort begins to push forward into the sunlight. I am reminded that life requires death, and to live I must allow parts of myself to die.
Once upon a time I thought it was my flaws, the things I feared about myself which needed to simple go away. We bury the parts of ourself that shame us, the shadows, without realizing that to deny them only gives them a tighter grip of fear in our mind and spirit. We try to hide these darker shades even from our own mind, yet they eventually consume us. We view these dark parts as evil and run from them.
When you face the darker side, your shadow self, it is a difficult task. We long for self acceptance, yet are often blinded to the fact that to acquire it requires us to find a purpose and acceptance of those very dark parts we try to deny. Simply discovering what these dark parts of the self are can be difficult. I know its taken me years to come to terms with the mere fact that this dark side of myself even exists. Yet the shadow self is easy enough to find, if one asks themselves a single question.
What thoughts, what urges, what desires have I held inside that I would absolutely never reveal to another person, write down, or dare to speak?
When I think of the shadow self, I think of Nerthus. No one can look upon her, she remains forever veiled, to see her true contenance is a death sentence. Yet even in her darkness, when she is honored, frith and bounty flow from her throughout the land. To me Nerthus represents the shadow self, that which we fear and can not bear to see. Yet if only we accept that darkness with an open heart, without trying to fix it, simply accept it, that is how we honor ourselves.
When I find myself face to face with my shadow and appalled by it, I try now to accept it. To realize that at the core, though I am human, I am still animal. These dark parts of us have purpose. The shadow self provides us with a well of power from which we may draw when we need to fight for survival. It gives us the anger to keep fighting, the bloodlust to protect our young when strangers attack. Even our pain protects us, we could not survive without the awareness that pain brings us of the life which flows through us.
I truly believe that is the first step, to find a positive purpose even in the darkest shades of our minds and feelings. It is a way of embracing the shadow as it longs to be embraced, instead of being feared and reviled. And in this sense, we are embracing ourselves as we embrace the shadow as well as the light. It is much harder to fear what has purpose, what has a reason for being.
It's not about choosing light over dark. Its about choosing the whole over mere fragments. Acceptance of the light and dark as one is true acceptance of the self.
But its never so simple as that is it? Not for me anyway. So for now I continue the journey, knowing at least this time, there is no backing down. I will face these fears very sooner. So for now I simply pray to Nerthus for wisdom, for strength, and for rest until then.
In Frith
Cena
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| Nerthus Talisman |
Nerthus has seemed very near to me lately, particularly in her darker aspects. I don't mean dark in the sense of evil or negative, but dark in terms of the secrecy, the sacredness, of the cave and the deep deep earth. I feel like a seed buried in the mud, gathering as much energy as I can before my effort begins to push forward into the sunlight. I am reminded that life requires death, and to live I must allow parts of myself to die.
Once upon a time I thought it was my flaws, the things I feared about myself which needed to simple go away. We bury the parts of ourself that shame us, the shadows, without realizing that to deny them only gives them a tighter grip of fear in our mind and spirit. We try to hide these darker shades even from our own mind, yet they eventually consume us. We view these dark parts as evil and run from them.
When you face the darker side, your shadow self, it is a difficult task. We long for self acceptance, yet are often blinded to the fact that to acquire it requires us to find a purpose and acceptance of those very dark parts we try to deny. Simply discovering what these dark parts of the self are can be difficult. I know its taken me years to come to terms with the mere fact that this dark side of myself even exists. Yet the shadow self is easy enough to find, if one asks themselves a single question.
What thoughts, what urges, what desires have I held inside that I would absolutely never reveal to another person, write down, or dare to speak?
When I think of the shadow self, I think of Nerthus. No one can look upon her, she remains forever veiled, to see her true contenance is a death sentence. Yet even in her darkness, when she is honored, frith and bounty flow from her throughout the land. To me Nerthus represents the shadow self, that which we fear and can not bear to see. Yet if only we accept that darkness with an open heart, without trying to fix it, simply accept it, that is how we honor ourselves.
When I find myself face to face with my shadow and appalled by it, I try now to accept it. To realize that at the core, though I am human, I am still animal. These dark parts of us have purpose. The shadow self provides us with a well of power from which we may draw when we need to fight for survival. It gives us the anger to keep fighting, the bloodlust to protect our young when strangers attack. Even our pain protects us, we could not survive without the awareness that pain brings us of the life which flows through us.
I truly believe that is the first step, to find a positive purpose even in the darkest shades of our minds and feelings. It is a way of embracing the shadow as it longs to be embraced, instead of being feared and reviled. And in this sense, we are embracing ourselves as we embrace the shadow as well as the light. It is much harder to fear what has purpose, what has a reason for being.
It's not about choosing light over dark. Its about choosing the whole over mere fragments. Acceptance of the light and dark as one is true acceptance of the self.
But its never so simple as that is it? Not for me anyway. So for now I continue the journey, knowing at least this time, there is no backing down. I will face these fears very sooner. So for now I simply pray to Nerthus for wisdom, for strength, and for rest until then.
In Frith
Cena
I wish you the best of luck with your journey. I'm sure you'l come out stronger and clearer on the other end.
ReplyDeleteHel sees to have decided to keep me company lately. Judging by the imagery in my journeys, and by statements from those who have psychic abilities. She isn't exactly the first choice for most people either :)
Hel is the Queen of shadow work. I helped lead a group ritual a few years ago about accepting, integrating, and balancing the shadow within us all. A lot of folks were very uncomfortable with sitting with their shadows and were almost frightened of Her. Guess they weren't ready to go there. Courage and blessings in your work.
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