Pagans and Purity: Raising Responsible Children

Pagans and Purity? For the uninformed, the linking of these two words might seem laughable. There is plenty of assumption from both non pagans and pagans alike about the nature of purity and its value to the pagan individual. Those who would seek to demean pagans often portray paganism as immoral, sexually deviant, and sinful. We have all heard sensationalized media and read overblown stories about pagans being linked to any and all kinds of deviant behavior. Most of us who have engaged on pagan forums at some point or another been approached by creeptastic individuals claiming some secret spiritual tradition or knowledge which we can only attain by engaging sexually with them.

Being a pagan and parent, we often tread a fine line between seeking to avoid culturally common sexual repression taught by mainstream religion while also avoiding promoting an attitude of sexual freedom that encroaches on social responsibility. For me, sexuality is an important part of my identity, and I feel that it is healthy. At the same time, I am about as far as one can get from promiscuous, and the process of trusting another individual at the level of sexual intimacy has been difficult for me.

Since my daughter was born, the issue has grown in significance. As in many other areas of my life, I have modified my own behavior on a sexual level, as I feel that being a mother I am now a role model as well. I personally have always required an emotional connection to an individual I engage with, so the presence of my daughter as a constant naturally changes my choices for a mate. Since my daughter is now here, I must consider many new elements in the sexual process. More requirements and more questions than ever.

I must consider how my lover interacts with her as well as myself emotionally. I must consider if she is comfortable around this person in general. I must consider the person's personality and whether it is acceptable as a presence in both our daily lives. As the child of a single mother, I am perhaps more aware than some to the effect a stranger has when they are introduced into a child's life as a romantic interest of the parent. I experienced both the negative and positive effects different men brought into our lives when they became involved with my mother. All these issues to me come into play now that I myself am a single mother, and effect my relationships with men as well.

When it comes to purity, the definitions are many. If we follow a Christian moral creed, purity would consist of complete abstinence until marriage, and the submission of female to male in marital terms. As a pagan, and an intelligent human being, this definition of purity to me is not only false but harmful on several levels. Foremost, it creates a culture of gender subservience and inequality. On a more sexual level, I feel it promotes both repression of healthy human sexuality, and negates the possibility of mutually satisfying sex. There is no denying that sex and intimacy plays a role in the depth of a romantic relationship. I cannot advocate anyone making such an important life decision before having some idea as to whether one's mate is sexually compatible with oneself.

Abstinence as purity is not something I advocate as a pagan parent. Yet at the same time, my views on how sexuality should be learned and experienced includes a hefty dose of personal responsibility and knowledge. There is a breakdown in this country when it comes to sexual education and knowledge of the health concerns everyone faces when they engage sexually. There is a lack of accountability when it comes to using protection, taking responsibility for birth control measures, and in many cases a lack of knowledge when it comes to myriad risks involved in sex, regardless of what forms of protection are used.

There is also a lack of proper communication I see between parents and children, especially during adolescence, that I feel is irresponsible. Parents are ashamed to even speak of sex to their children for embarrassment,  relying solely on educational institutions that often times provide children with more Christian based moral idealism of sex that actual scientific knowledge about it. The "sex talk" has been the accepted norm of our communication with our children about sex, yet how much impact can one conversation truly have? It is my view that as parents we must stop letting our own holdups stop us from communicating with our children and educating them about sexuality on a CONSTANT basis, rather than once or twice throughout the entirety of adolescence.

Encourage Responsible Seeking

So what can I do to promote my own ideas of purity as a pagan to my child? My first role as a parent is to educate. Which means working to keep lines of communication about sexuality open and honest. Answering questions about sex, body changes, puberty, masturbation, the risks of sex, etc. without portraying an attitude of righteousness vs. sinfulness. The second role is to stress the benefit of responsible sexual behavior and illustrate the consequences of irresponsible behavior in an understandable way. And the third is to exchange ideas about how sexuality and sexual behavior relates other valuable ideals, such as self respect, equality, and the creation of healthy romantic relationships between human beings.

Being a Pagan and Promoting Purity in our children should never be two concepts at war with one another. In my view, the empowering concepts which live in paganism can only be beneficial when applied to how we educate and interact with our children in a variety of lifestyle concerns, sexuality not being the least of those. In many ways, as a pagan parent I feel better equipped to handle such concerns because my faith is based on ideas including balance, moderation, equality, and the importance of knowledge and self development.

In Frith
Cena