The Fallacy of Traditional Female Roles

There was some good discussion recently on our Norse Women facebook group, regarding a heathen organization's website someone found online recently. Though I won't bother mentioning the name within this article, I will leave a link to the website at the end of this post if anyone is interested in looking at the website as well.

This organization, a heathen/Odinist group, has a section on the site where they enumerate on what they call the supposed "Nine Roles" for both men and women. These roles generated much derision and anger on a unanimous level from the women in the group. As one women stated, she had been brought up in an extremely conservative Christian fundamentalist lifestyle, and the roles stated within this website echoed that to a significant degree.

For example, the roles stated for men included king, warrior, builder, prince charming, hunter, etc. The women's roles were a bit different. Included in these was the fair maiden, the cleaner, the cook, and the nurse. The only empowering roles stated for the female were the queen and priestess, but in both cases the description of these roles was dependent upon a marked difference from the male one. For example, the prime role of a good queen was dependent on her ability to be a good hostess, make a good impression, and make peace when men made war. In essence, the woman is relegated to a passive role in all matters.

Now some of this is understandable to me in the light of the fact that this organization is Odinist and patriarchal, rather than Asatru in nature. However, these same supposedly traditional value systems of female subordination are becoming increasingly a problem in the heathen community. In the past few years there has been a veritable rift growing in the heathen community between conservative reconstructionist sects and on the other side faced with so called Universalist heathens and Asatruar.

Much like the political scene in America, the gap between conservative and liberal heathenry seems to be growing, with little willingness to understand on either side. On a personal level, I do not think either on can truly be reconciled. What seems inevitable to me is a split of heathenry into two seperate faiths.

I for one simply cannot support these type of ideals about the roles of women. As much as an individual may claim that this was the ultimate reality of the old ways, I see much evidence that this was not the case, and in truth I see a lot of the hard conservatism evident in some Asatru organizations as simply the attempt to call Christian idealism by another name. Christ is replaced by Odin, the Gods become his disciples, and the women are all but negligible in substance.

One Word: PORN

I know I am probably going to piss some people off and that's okay. These are simply my own educated opinions, and I do not expect everyone to feel the same, nor do I label them as right as opposed to wrong. They are the self evident truth from my own perspective.

What amazes me is how conservatives harp on the idea of traditional family roles as being the best for the mother, father, and children. Yet what benefits are empirically evident that this is true? It's like an old person harping on and on about the good old days, except the fallacy has been passed on for millenia. The idea of traditional family roles has a drawback that in my opinion has been the downfall of humanity. That is the marginalization of women.

I am not claiming that mothers and fathers with their children is not a positive thing. It is the idealism that goes along with it that creates the conflict. It is the idea that this is the best way, and all others are demonized. It is the idea that men must have these roles, and women other ones. The idea that this or that is supposedly natural for one gender and not another sickens me. It has in my opinion sickened the whole of humanity.

By creating these roles, we create a world in which no one measures up. Women and men swallow their true feelings in order to create an image that fits the molds. Women swallow their aggression, their warrior nature, their need to experience and explore, in order to be the perfect wife and mother. Their lives are misery. Men deny their emotional callings, deny their nurturing aspects, and create a persona of dominance and strength. Many times they crumble when they find this persona is as thick as an eggshell.

For many years, I lived that life. I behaved modestly, and when I found a man who loved me enough to be loyal, I stayed with him. Even though in my deepest core, I knew I could never love him. But it was what was expected by the world, and society. I was the most loyal of women to this man for over a decade. I abandoned my own dreams to support him, even when he failed again and again. Even when my mind broke at my own self betrayal, I struggled on still loyal. As the years passed, I felt more and more of myself pass away. In the end I felt nothing.

Everything changed when our daughter was born. I was barely alive the moment I saw her face, yet at it's sight the life buried inside me exploded like a supernova. In one second I felt more alive than I had ever known possible. In that moment I knew that I could never go back to who I was before.

So I left him, her father, when she was four months old. I left him because I couldn't bear the thought that I would give this example of man and woman to her. I told myself that I would rather live alone for the remainder of my days than ever let her think that sort of relationship was ok, by living it.

Everything that has happened since that decision has been as different as night and day. I could say how wonderful it is now, but instead I will simply state the honest fact. I would rather burn for the remainder of eternity than be forced to suffer even one day in my old life. To this day it haunts me, I have nightmares to this day of waking up back in that life. When I wake I feel the bitterness of lost years that I can never get back.

The point is that these traditional ideals more often than not suck the very life from us when we live them. In denying our true selves, and pretending to meet a certain standard or expectation, the best parts of us can be extinguished.

I'm not advocating the complete collapse of the nuclear family. What I'm advocating is a break away from the concept that tradition is better somehow. What I am advocating is that we vow to live our lives in the way that is right for us as individuals, rather than allowing tradition to rule us. This is particularly relevant in discussing the dynamic between men and women. Instead of saying "men and women are different" why can we not accept the fact that "everyone is different." Judgement is a Christian concept that has no place in paganism or heathenry, IMO.

If I had a wish for humanity, it would never be a matter of right and wrong. I would never ask the entirety of the world to create a dualistic morality. The only thing I would ask each person is to know thyself, and live as you alone determine is right for yourself, without assuming what is right for you applies to anyone else.

In Frith
Cena



source website for the "NINE ROLES" here

World Atlas of Gender Equality in Education 2012 see here

Gender Stereotypes (a small study) here