No longer Heathen...

Well, I have finally come to a decision that I have been ruminating on for a few months now. I have decided to remove the Heathen moniker from the list of what I feel I am. I have debated about this and done alot of soul searching, and it has been a painful process for me to be honest. But I feel as if it is what is right for me.

From now on I have decided to go with what is most true to my heart. Which is Freyja, and the Vanir. From now on I shall simply be Vanatru. Or if such a thing can be possible, Freyjatru. There are many reasons for this which I won't bother explaining, not here anyway.

When I came to know Freyja, I had very strong opinions about separating the Aesir and Vanir into two tribes of Gods, on an intuitive level. I felt biased,and I decided to try and become open to the idea of a blended family of Norse Gods. I decided to do as much research as possible into the cosmology of which they both played a part. I wanted to know the Aesir as I knew the Vanir, before  made any personal judgment.

Because of this attempt at reconciliation, I called myself a heathen, simply for the sake of relaying to others the nature of my spiritual path. But as time has passed, I realize that the word heathen is a loaded one to many. For most, the word heathen implies a connection to the traditions of the Aesir Gods that I was never comfortable with, though I try to make it clear that I am Vanatru at the core. Still, I feel on some level people within the community have placed some judgment upon me simply for daring to call myself heathen.

I have tried to understand the ways of the Aesir, and I have tried to cultivate relationships with the Aesir Gods on a personal level. For two years I have been trying, and failing miserably. The more I learn about them the less I feel I cannot relate to their ways. There is so much wisdom within the lore, and so much to be learned from their ways, to be sure. But what can one do when they constantly come upon a locked door?

Through all this Freyja is there for me, waiting for me with open arms always. I feel certain after the events of this week that  I must accept the fact that Freyja has called me as her own. I must quit trying to fit myself into a mold for the sake of appearances. I must accept that Vanaheim is my home, and in Asgard I shall always feel a stranger, no matter how warm the welcome.

Of course I will still study the ways of the Norse as I have, and do not intend to change drastically any of the content here. But I can no longer pretend to give a shit about what is traditional, what is wiccan, what is pagan. It is meaningless to me. If someone judges me not heathen enough, then fair enough, they don't have to read this or speak to me. I'm not a heathen anyway.

I am devoted to Freyja above all others. I follow the heart that Freyja guides, in whatever path she may choose for me. Everything which is good in my life has sprung from her. I must honor that.

So, just for the sake of saying so, consider this a pagan blog from now on.

In frith,
Cena