The Price of a Gift

I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine the other day, and it got me thinking about the price we pay for certain abilities. This person was raised Catholic in the very traditional sense, but now in their adulthood profess a very secular view of religion. In the most commonest sense, they profess a tendency more toward a general spirituality rather than religious belief. Indeed by my own view, I would describe it as a sort of religious apathy. In their own words they "simply forget about all that, and get on with their life."

It is a mindset that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives, and which many in this day and age pursue for a lifetime. Personally this does not bother me, whether spiritual, religious, apathetic, atheist, that is a for the individual to choose, and there are good people among them all. I make no judgement of character based on those things, indeed I think those who do so are foolish, but back to the point.

Sometimes, outside of the sphere of whatever image a person presents to you, you get a sense of something more lurking beneath the surface. Not really in the sense or something wrong or right, just a sense that there is more to a person than they reveal to the world at large. In the course of conversation, this person began to explain some experiences they had in life, which gave me a sense they had decided to reveal part of that "hidden self" I had not known about. They explained to me that they had always been able to feel the emotions of others around them on a personal level, outside of what is normal. Basically, my own conclusion after they described this was one I had suspected for quite some time. The person was a natural empath. They also explained to me that for some individuals, the act of gazing into their eyes or simply seeing a picture of someone, gave them insight into what that person had experienced in life. After telling me this, they simply brushed it off, saying quite simply, "It's strange you know, it's a blessing and a curse."

That is what struck me the most, those words. I wondered at how many times in my life I had felt the same, thought the same words exactly, about some of my own abilities. It also made me think about how many people live with these same gifts and abilities, but simply brush them off as something strange but of little consequence, and simply "get on with their lives." In a secular world, without any real system of faith or spirituality to provide an understanding of these abilities, how many are denying themselves the power of their natural psychic or magickal gifts? What makes people shy away from developing, or atleast attempting to understand these "strange" gifts? And what exactly is the price of those gifts?

I myself am still in the process of understanding and learning to use my own ability as a medium, but this is a rather recent development, and still one that at times troubles me. I spent the majority of my lifetime attempting to deny the spirits that I came into contact with, and spent years sleeping away the days and staying awake at night in an attempt to calm the fear and avoid the experience of this contact. In a word, I was in denial that such communication was even possible. And if it was possible, I wanted no part of it. All those years of fear, which eventually resulted in panic attacks and depression, that was the price I paid for this gift.

It was not until after I experienced the birth of my daughter and nearly paid with my own life that I was able to break free of that fear and embrace the power that until then had lain dormant inside. From the moment she was born, life was transformed, and so was I. I was no longer afraid of death, nor was I afraid of the world of spirit. I found Freyja and the Vanir not soon after, and since then my life has been transformed from one of weakness to one of empowerment.

But personal anecdotes aside, I feel there is validity in the statement, a blessing and a curse. It is common among the mythological systems of many cultures, the Norse included, that one must pay the price to reap the reward, when it comes to spiritual enlightenment. I won't examine the specifics, but look into any system which practices ritual sacrifice, or self denial, and you will find that the purpose of these processes is to gain some sort of power, knowledge, or outcome. We must give to receive.

Such ritual deaths or sacrifices are an integral part of any culture which practices shamanic type spirituality. Whether it is Siddhartha's 49 days beneath the pipal tree, Odin's nine nights hanging before taking up the Runes, or Freyr's own nine nights of waiting to be united with Gerdr, we can see clearly that for each gift, there is clearly a price.

I feel this post has poorly covered the ground which I wanted to cover, but perhaps it begs further exploration. What is the price of knowing? What id the price of enlightenment? What can the trials of our Gods, and our ancestors, teach us about how to uncover the gifts which lie dormant within us all? And what is the reward for persevering through until the end?