A Midsummer Encounter...

I swear sometimes I feel like I am ass backward. Today is Litha, Midsummer, whatever you wanna call it. Today is a day one should bask in the glory of the Sun. So why do I simply feel like hiding from it, pulling the blackout curtains, turning of the light, and staying nice and cool inside my little cave?

Almost as soon as Litha began last night ( I have always celebrated the sabbats as beginning at sunset the day before and ending at sunset the day of) I felt a sense of nothingness descend on me. It is a rare but recurring experience I have about once very four or five months. I cannot describe it other than being completely devoid of feeling.

It is inescapable. I attempted some meditation, but nothing would help me feel. I was possessed of the sudden urge to go have a look at the stars outside. So I gathered my posse of sleeping mutts and went outside.

What happened next was a bit shocking for me. After looking at the sky for a few moments, I turned to the south and felt such a shocking burst of negative energy slam into me, I thought my heart would explode. I nearly lost my balance, and felt as if I would pass out for a moment, so I retreated to the porch and had a seat in the rocking chair. It felt as if a thick, black substance was covering me.

I began some deep breathing because the energy was so intense, I felt my body reacting as if I was having a panic attack. There was a mild breeze, so I called to the winds and the earth, the wights of my land. I have a personal grounding and release technique I created to dispell energy, which involves a certain posture and manipulation of inner energy forces. I perform this and guided that horrible energy out of my body that had invaded me.

Leave me, I whispered and as I released that energy back to the earth, it was tangible, the wind immediately blew in furious gust, whipping my hair around my face, and the trees swayed wildly. After I felt cleansed of this energy, I did some simple grounding with the earth in order to clear myself and replenish some of my energy, which at this point was horribly fatigued.

I went back inside, and started to journal some of these things. Then I saw a figure peering around the door of my bedroom. I ignored it, this is something that is nothing new to me, and usually whatever it is will simply go away. There is not a enough room in this blog to describe my relationship with the spirits at the mo. Basically, it's a conditional open door policy.

After a few times seeing this figure peeking round the door frame, I simply looked at it for a bit. What I see is something hard to describe, it is more an impression of emotion and vague shapes. This particular one seemed repentant. I had the feeling that this was the source of what I had experienced outside, so I was in no mood for it. I stated the rules of my home, which is a sacred space. After contemplation, the figure left.

After all this, I couldn't sleep all night, I lay in bed till my daughter woke with my eyes closed hovering between sleep and dreaming. I feel what I experienced revealed some valuable things to me...but also left many questions...

For my own sake also I would like to state there is no possibility that this was the experience of a schizophrenic. LOL I do not experience the spirits by hearing there voices, nor do I actually feel I have seen them in the physical realm. As I stated before, it is simply like flickering vague images, and emotional feelings.

Anyway, this has led me to were I am at the mo, tired, and in no mood for the sunlight. To be honest I am still confused, and in need of a good nights rest. May your Midsummer turn out much better than mine!